The Fabulous Life of a Woman....

I am 24 years old. Old. I am dealing with the everyday pressures of being a woman and am finding myself growing tired with every second of it.
I feel fat.
I want to change my haircolor again.
My nails never grow out evenly.
I look pasty.
I need a tan.
And the thoughts just go on...and on...and on.

Come to think of it....that's what my mother always seemed to me. Tired. She would come home in the evenings, lie down on the couch and sleep. She was always tired.
Yes, I must face the reality that so many of us run from everyday....I am becoming my mother.
I sigh...and then remind myself that there are good qualities of my mother that I have inherited and am thankful for. I have inhearited her creativity, her love for gardening...I could go on if I thought about it for a few more minutes.
But why did I feel so negative when I wrote that I am becoming my mother? Why do all woman run from the fact that we all turn into our mothers eventually? Maybe it is because we want more. Maybe it is because our mothers are tired....tired of a life of never being enough....never being the wife she feels her husband expects her to be...never being a better mother...never living life the way she wanted to. No matter how hard she tries..she is never enough.
Yes, my mother wasnt just physically tired, but emotionally and spiritually tired.
She was as tired as anyone can get.
And now, I find myself following in her footsteps but fighting nonetheless, against every step.
At this point, if I really wanted to...i could play the whole "society makes us this way" card. I could go on and on about how society puts magazines in front of us at the checkout counter with beautiful, skinny women on the covers and plays psychological games with us to convince us that if we want to be beautiful, we must be just like jessica simpson or charlize theron.
Now believe me, I'm not saying society doesnt push us to have a false perception of beauty. But is society really who we need to place the blame on? I dont think so. Of course it is there...the message will always be there. But let's face it. Society will never be a completely positive mold in anyone's life. So where do we place the blame? We are always good at the blame game...but this time maybe we should stop focusing on where to point our finger and accept responsibility. I mean who is the one to who decides to go to the tanning bed? Me. Who decides to be with the guy who never tells you he loves you? Me. Who chooses to sit in front of the TV and stress over how much I weigh? Me.

hmmm...it's something to think about. I wish I had all the answers. I only know that the decisions I make at this point in my life are so crucial. Who I decide to marry....the career I choose to have...the friends I choose....again, the list goes on.
Will the decisions I make today haunt me down the road? I have no one to blame but myself if I find myself shutting off myself from the world by sleeping on the couch every evening when I get home.....tired of life.

Dear Lord...please help me make the right decisions.