just let me vent for two seconds.

maybe it's just my job.
maybe i just think too much of myself.
but there are those days when I just dont feel like dealing with idiots.
this is one of those days.

the beginning.

I am currently in the process of picking myself up from being a complete mess, and learning to take this day by day.
Three months. Sounds like nothing right?
I'm going to try to stay busy....and pray more. They are two things that will keep me sane.
So far my "to do" list consists of the following:

-getting a personal trainer so I will make myself go to the gym...regularly.
-spending more time eating out (cooking for one person isnt fun)
-more photography
-girl time
-concerts
-did I say girl time?

...any suggestions?

here comes the rooster.

It is done.
Matt has joined the Marines.
He leaves a week from today for basic training.

Denver: Day 3

today.
today i have been slightly lonely, but the business of standing on my feet for hours and talking about wire has slightly distracted this mind of mine.
now.
now i'm listening to 'holiday in spain' after seeing the most amazing concert I've ever seen.
Listening to "cantcha see" from the guy that actually wrote the song was an amazing experience. Go figure I had no one to share it with except for a few owners. Owners of what...it never matters to me.
I'm in denver now, a town i've gotten to know through a couple of cocktails and a rueben or two.
It's just not the same.
I'd rather be at home.
It's where i belong.
This heart of mine just cant get used to something new.

Denver:Day 1

I traveled to Denver tonight for a business trip.
Tonight starts a 4 day tradeshow binge that consists of standing on my feet 9hrs a day talking to the same people I speak to everyday on the phone. The day is then followed up by a 2-3hr dinner that consists of more business talk. The only good thing about the later is the fact that there is wine involved.
Don't you hear the excitement in my voice?
Hell starts tomorrow.
However, today I have been able to take it easy.
I have been alone most of the day...it's been nice. No, I take that back...it's been lonely.
The most exciting event that has happened so far this evening was at the hotel bar where I ate dinner.
A texan sits down next to me who loves to talk.
He orders the loaded nachos, and then brags about how Texan nachos are the best in the world.
blah. blah. blah...is really all I hear from that point on.
Until a very British elderly woman walks up to him and says (in a very British voice),
"What the Hell are you eating my dear boy?!"
Texan: "Why, these hear are nachos."
British woman: "Well, I must say it looks like you're eating a pile of shit to me!"

For the first time today...I smiled.

it's a process.

Mel's first boyfriend was evil.
He was deceiving.
He broke her heart.
Last night she opened her mail on the patio.
It was a wedding invitation...to his wedding.
She immediately held her lighter up to it but didnt light the flame.
Instead, she laid it on the table.
I wanted to burn it for her.
But I didnt.
It's hers to burn.
One day she'll let go.
One day she'll light the flame.
One day.

silent scream.

I cannot yet disclose the details, but there is a chain of events that are about to occur that will completely change my life as I know it.
As much as I have tried to prepare for this change, the panic of knowing my zone will no longer be a zone of comfort is terrifying.
If I think about tomorrow for too long, I loose today.
If i think about today for too long, I am overwhelmed with the fear of tomorrow.
While I am ironically at peace with the future, the moment is unsettling.
Thoughts fly through my head....
Am I ready for this?
Each breath is different.
Not good.
Not bad.
Just different.

you've got to be kidding me.

I was in a wreck tonight. No, not really.
I guess you could call it a fantasy wreck.
Let me define.
Fantasy wreck="A close call. There is no physical contact between two vehicles, BUT the other driver is on crack and is convinced that you hit their car....so they pick out one of the many dents in their car and blame it on you."
You can laugh....for a minute.
But believe it or not, it's a reality.
I know...because I was involved in one tonight.
I almost kept driving as I thought "wow, that was a close call."
I felt no bump...never even heard a sound that remotely resembled that of a car crashing into my SUV.
But when I saw that poor red ford escort sittin in the middle of the road...well this tender heart of mine got the best of me and I pulled over in the CVS parking lot.
Big mistake.
The lady get's out of her car on the cell phone like WWIII just happened.
The first words I heard out of her mouth were, "I THOUGHT SHE WAS GOING TO RUN BUT HERE SHE IS IN THE CVS PARKING LOT!!"
I thought, "Good Lord, do I really have to deal with this incompetent freak?"
Yes, she was on the phone with 911. From the sound of her voice, she had just been killed and was raised from the dead due to her "great"driving skills.
The cop comes.
The three of us inspect her car.
She points out a huge dent in the passenger door (just one of the many).
We inspect my car.
Nothing. No dent, no scratch of paint. Nothing.
The cop then looks at my tire and points out a scuff mark that could have "possibly hit her bumber."
I asked, "What about the side of her door?"
She is quick to anounce that she'd "forgotten that the door was dented from a previous incident."
Nice. Glad she pointed that out.
I dont think I could have lived with myself if I thought that dent in her door was because of my freaking tire.

Anyway, before I rant and rave myself into a frenzy...again, I will state that the cop did run a report. Hopefully, my insurance company will dispute it and it will be dropped.

Then she can pawn her dented up car on another poor soul in another fantasy wreck episode.

Watch out, you could be next.

Paris

This past weekend was a whirlwind trip to Paris.
That's Paris, Tennessee.
The occasion? My cousin Abbey's wedding.
It was the first time my grandmother and her sister (my great aunt susie) had both of their entire families together at one time.
They both shared tears of joy the whole weekend because of this feat we were all able to pull off.
I rode the total 1,090 miles with two of my brothers, Richard and Jim.
Then there was my dear Matt who decided to go with me at the last minute due to my wonderful begging skills.
The trip consisted of rolling down the windows constantly due to wrank farts... of which each male in the car would brag about as if he were 10 years old.
Added to the farts was plenty of shit-talk between the three of them.
Jim would tease Richard about his girlfriend.
Richard would tease Jim about his....or lack thereof.
Jim would pout.
Richard would ease off.
Jim would make a come-back.
And the cycle would repeat itself.
And of course Matt was there to strategically instigate the battles between the two.
It was entertaining....for about 15minutes.



Then there was the wedding reception...with an open bar.
Dudely shoals doesnt have too many weddings.
And when there is a wedding, an open bar is as rare as seeing a house without wheels.
So stick my brothers...at a reception...with an open bar...
And well, you've got trouble.
Jim was the one who had no shame.
He would yell "I'm gonna get wasted tonight!" to my Dad who has finally given up on trying to make my brother act mature in any way.
Then he would pass his drink around to anyone who would give him the time of day saying, "taste this!" with a big grin on his face.
Everyone who dared take a sip of his cup of straight alcohol would cringe.
Then he'd belt out a deep laugh like it was cool to be the drunkest person at the reception.
Richard stayed on the sidelines.
One of his major goals in life is not to end up like Jim.
Therefore, he never passes a chance to make it known that the only similarity between the two is that they are of the same blood.
He would wait for Jim to start charming some girls....then connive different ways to make him look like a retard in front of them.
His mission was accomplished... more than once.
Yes, all in all it was a good trip.
I met cousins that I had only heard about, and stocked up on plenty of stories to share with friends who are always entertained by my family episodes.
As I drifted off to sleep last night I concluded that I've had enough family time to last me a long while.

...then I realized Thanksgiving is two months away. shit.






My grandmother (left) and Aunt Susie....




Jim (left), Matt (middle) and Richard (right) at the reception.