Update

I feel unsettled in life now more than ever. There is a wedding I desire and no means to get there. There are several hurdles that have popped up even in the past week that seem impossible to overcome. There are times I've wanted to throw in the towel and have mentioned the word "elope" to Matt only for him to dismiss the idea. He does this not just because he knows I've always wanted a wedding, but because he too deep down wants to say those sacred words in front of our dearly loved family and friends.
Although most days this week I feel I have been holding on by a string, I havent lost hope and have continually prayed that our day will work out the way it's meant to be.
Now for an update. Matt is now in Cherry Point, NC where he is to be stationed for the next 2 years at least. His flight from Mississippi had a stop in Charlotte so it worked out perfectly for me to pick him up at the airport last friday and drive him to Cherry Point. It was so good to see him walk out of the baggage claim with his "high-and-tight" haircut and camouflage bags. I am so proud of him. The weekend was great..even after we realized that Havelock (the town surrounding the base) is a hole in the wall town. It reminded me of Lenoir with it's vacant strip malls. The big difference between the two is that Lenoir has a Walmart and the closest Walmart to Havelock is 30 minutes away! It will be an adjustment for sure...but not one that will be difficult as long as my best friend is by my side. We joked about how we can just make our own entertainment and want to spend our evenings grilling out and having new friends over. Give us good friends, good music, good food and a beer or three and we are happy campers!
Now it's just a matter of getting to that point.
As for the wedding date. It's still not set. One thing for sure is that we want it to happen as soon as possible! We discussed it several times over the weekend. One minute we were ready to get married the next day and the next minute Matt was saying October. Then I would tell him I cant wait that long so it would be July or August. Of course all of our discussions didnt matter once he reported to work on Monday and learned the Marines just made a new rule where he has to take marriage classes before he can get married and they are only offered once every other month. Like I said, the hurdles just keep coming.
It's hard not to stress when I'm alone in Charlotte just trying to get through the days. It's hard when I see where I want to be but cant seem to make any progress on getting there BUT I am learning patience and when I think back on all the times God has taken care of us up to this point in life I am reassured. He is faithful, and my hurdles are no exception to that.

Still Adjusting.

I was reminiscing with a friend the other day about when I would meet Matt uptown for lunch on fridays. He worked at the IJL building (one of the tallest buildings in charlotte).I would wait for him in the lobby...trying to spot him in the crowd of people swarming in and out of the security check points. Secretaries..lawyers..bankers..all shifting from place to place. Then I would spot him strolling through the hectic crowd. He was never in a rush always just putting one step in front of the other even as people gave him dirty looks as they passed by him. He wasnt in a hurry for anything...not lunch, not even life. Walking beside him down the sidewalk made me more aware of how fast I too walked just to get to the next destination. I had to slow down to stay with him. I was ok with life slowing down when I was with him. We would order our food at a little cafe, then talk about our friends, family or the upcoming weekend. Then an hour later we would find ourselves standing in front of the building saying goodbye. I would beg for a kiss and he would smile and say no...knowing all the while I wouldnt stop tugging on his arm and asking until he gave into my request. Finally he would look around to make sure his boss wasnt within sight. I knew what was next. Then he would bend down and kiss me. I would smile in my triumph and walk away like I was walking down the runway at a fashion show just because I knew he was watching from behind.
Those moments were only a year ago. They seem so far away.
Today he's in Mississippi trying to make it to May 3rd when he will be stationed and will finally belong somewhere even if it's only for a few months. I can count the number of times I've seen him since last September on one hand.
Sometimes I think of what that base in Mississippi might look like. I know Meridian Mississippi is a "hole in the wall town" so I picture the base looking boring. I picture concrete buildings where the cinderblock walls are painted orange or an ugly yellow from the 1960's. Then I picture Matt walking down the sidewalk in his camouflage saluting officers on his way to his next class. He doesnt stroll anymore. Instead he walks with a confident stride...each step now has a purpose.

Last Night.

Last night Sandman and I made our way to my brother's apartment. I had a beer with him and his roomate Joey who is going to Iraq in May. There was a 30-something year old friend of Joey's there too named Casandra who wore a visor that had a dog paw on the front of it. I dont think I've seen anyone wear a visor in the past ten years. Come to think of it...the last visor I saw was at a yard sale. She said she was a dog trainer and would make these wierd hissing noises to Sandman when he would threaten to jump over my brother's 1st floor balcony or try to sneak a bite of pizza off of my plate when I wasnt looking. I think she was trying to be a dog whisperer or something. Sandman seemed annoyed by her and everytime she would make a hissing sound he would look at her, then look at me like he was saying "Are you kidding me?"

At one point I talked Joey into letting me try on his marine gear. We took this picture...





I like everything about that picture except for the fact that you can clearly see my cavity filling in the back of my mouth. It kind of stands out doesnt it? So in effort to cover it up I tried making the picture black and white....



That didnt help so it will just have to stay the way it is. Maybe people will think I have a piece of black gum in my mouth? Maybe not.

blah.

I feel fat today.

We get alot accomplished around here.

This is my co-worker's cube after our sales associates decided to prank him.

I'm waiting to see how he retaliates.

It's that time of year.

The NCAA Basketball tournament starts today and my co-workers are running around like it's Christmas. There's a projector screen in the conference room and the Warehouse manager brought his satellite from home that sits in the bushes outside. Every now and then the picture will disappear and they get on their walkie talkie's and talk back and forth until the satellite is positioned just the right way for the picture to appear again. I saw a lunch menu floating around and heard some debates on how hot the wings should be. I'm waiting to see someone walk by with 12 pack of bud light. That hasnt happened yet.
They study and compare each other's brackets and give their opinions on how many "upsets" there will be. I filled out a bracket but didnt turn in my $10.00 for the pot because I just dont feel like donating to someone else's wallet again this year.
I use careful tactics in picking my winning teams. For example when choosing who would win between Notre Dame and Winthrop I picked Notre Dame. Why? Because I figured since Notre Dame had such a bad year in football maybe they will do better in something else...like basketball. Besides, Winthrop has the word "win" in it's name so they're probably too cocky.
I really care alot about this tournament.

High and Tight.

Before I dropped my fiancee....(Ok I admit, I just like saying that word)... off at Camp Geiger Feb.13th, he asked me to give him a haircut. I have cut his hair in the past and I've never told him this, but I really dont think I do a good job.

He always seems pleased with the results but then the next day I randomly see a "spot" where I could have blended more and I let it bother me until it grows out long enough not to matter. But by then it's time for yet another haircut and the cycle starts all over again.

It's one of two things. I'm either a perfectionist when it comes to hair cutting, or I just suck at it. I'd like to think I'm the perfectionist for his sake.

This time however, he was a Marine. This meant his haircut needed to be "high and tight" which to me means any move in the wrong direction with the clippers would be disasterous. My first thoughts envisioned him walking down the sidewalk on base and anyone who passed him by would inspect his haircut to make sure it was regulation. Then some General would find a "spot" and make him drop and do 1000000047 push-ups...and it would be my fault.

So I tried backing out of it. That didnt work. It was the night before he had to report and there was no way he could get to a Barber shop. He kept saying "if you mess up we will just shave all of my hair off and I'll be fine." Just picturing him with a bald head made me shutter so an hour later I was still going back and forth between settings on the clippers trying to do a perfect blend between the "high" and the "tight."

I then held my breath while he inspected his hair in the bathroom mirror. Back and forth he turned his head and stared. "It looks great hun!" he said and I took a deep breath of relief and for the first time thought...."maybe I could pull off this whole "Military wife" thing after all!"

So flash forward to yesterday when I went to Camp Geiger to see him for a few hours on base after not having an ounce of communication with him for the past 3 1/2 weeks. Distance is hard..really hard. But it's the best feeling in the world to see the person you love so dearly standing in front of you after you've anticipated seeing them for so long...it's almost like the world stops and you think to yourself "what do I do now?" So we talked and just soaked in every moment together. At one point I inspected his hair and asked how many haircuts he'd had since he'd been at Camp Geiger. He said "Actually they gave us a haircut the first day we got here whether we needed one or not." I think he saw the disappointment in my eyes as I realized I had gone through all of that trouble for nothing. Then he looked at me and said "BUT his haircut wasnt half as good as the one you gave me Jules."

I blushed.

After four years of knowing the man, I still blush.

I wouldnt have life any other way.

I've Been Tagged...

The rules to the game...
1. Grab the book closest to you.
2. Open to page 123, go down to the fourth sentence
3. Post the text of the following three sentences.
4. Name the author and book title.
5. Tag three other people to do the same

I am at work which means there is not a book anywhere in site...only catalogs. Get ready...this is really exciting reading material!

"Interflex Z-200 Audio/Video interconnects strike the perfect balance between cost and performance. This workhorse is perfect for truck-based inventory. Call Liberty today."



Title: Liberty Wire & Cable: The Complete Solution for the AV Professional
Author: Kirk Horelbeck

Did that not change your life forever? That's what I thought.

Catching Up.

I stopped blogging simply because I couldnt log into blogger..then today it worked. So here I am again. Did you miss me?

Since my last post I've gotten engaged, and Sandman and I are living alone in a house with no roomates. I've had 11 roomates since I went to college in 2000. It's nice being alone. And it's the simple things that make it so nice like having the kitchen to myself when I cook or having complete control over the thermostat.

Matt graduated boot camp Jan. 19th and before I could blink I had a beautiful ring on my finger and I was saying goodbye again. I dropped him off at Camp Geiger the first week of February for his combat training. I havent heard a word from him since...not by choice. The Marines tend to cut off communication with the outside world when they are instructing their boys how to throw a grenade or shoot a rocket launcher. I know there's a reason for everything they do but sometimes I just miss the sound of his voice. He graduates from combat training school March 6th only to get on a plane and fly to Mississippi where he will be for 8 more weeks training for a job in Aviation supply. I think sometime in May we will know where he will be stationed.
It could be anywhere.

I've tried to get excited about the wedding but it's hard when I cant set a date.
Everything revolves around a date.

So I'm waiting and trying to adapt to the military lifestyle which quite frankly seems pretty close to hell at times. But then on those days when I curse the Marines for making me be second in his life instead of first, I think of all the wives who havent seen their husbands in 5+ months because they're in Iraq. It can always be worse...at least my Matt is on American soil.

I'm taking a huge risk Sunday to see him. There's a window of time from noon until 4pm where they get "liberty" to go anywhere on base they want. Of course this free time can be taken away at any point if someone in his platoon does something stupid. That is why the trip is a risk.

So cross your fingers for me and I'll let you know how it goes.